Hurt



This isn't pertaining to my class specifically but it does at the same time because as educator and future educators we need to all be aware of what's going on in the world and how to properly educate our students, especially our students of color when it's time to teach them about our country in history class. Anyway, I just want to share my thoughts of what's going on in America today as a black mother of 3 biracial sons, a black wife to my white husband, a black friend to my friends of different races, and a black sister and daughter to my mothers and siblings and my mother in law. This is how I feel. This is my post from Facebook:

I have began to write but then erased things so many times and I still don't know what to say but I want to try to say something before I go to sleep. There's no order to this because my thoughts are all over the ace but here it goes...

I'm not ok. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm upset. I'm pissed off, excuse my language. Yet again another man's life is taken, another BLACK man's life is taken. As I watch as this country unfolds over this, I just hurt and cry. I have talked to my husband everyday before and since this particular event of the death of George Floyd and everything that's happened in the wake of his death so that I don't keep things bottled up inside, but I'm hurt. I'm hurt beyond words. All I've really been able to do is listen to worship songs and cry. God and I have had some conversations. Today, this morning I woke up so overwhelmed that I couldn't hold a conversation with my husband really. Just words here and there. Then he asked me that magic question, what's wrong. I couldn't hold my emotions anymore and I broke down. I just cried while he held me. He didn't say, I understand, it's going to be OK, none of that. He just held me. I told him that I'm sad for the world and I'm hurt. But I'm also scared for by brothers, my nephews and my niece both black and biracial alike, I'm afraid for my mother and yes I'm afraid for my boys but that's just life right? I shouldn't have to be afraid for them but I am. And that's a sad reality. I'm upset and angry with the looting, vandalism, and burning of the businesses. I'm sorry but to me that's not OK. People are putting their life savings into starting their own businesses and people to burn them down...why? There's no way to even support a Black Owned Business if it's burnt down!!

Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts...
Amos 5:15 NIV

“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
Ephesians 4:26

I want to react in the way that is pleasing to God so this is where I'll leave that.
I do want to say thank you. Thank you to all of my friends and family of ALL colors for standing together as a unified voice against the hatred and racism that is the law system (systematical oppression). We have a long way to go but thank you for standing with us.

Sorry if my post doesn't make sense to some of you but as I said, my thoughts are running a mile a minute and are all over the place. I hope you get the point and if you missed the point well that's a problem and if you want to truly know the point and be better, get informed and educate yourself and have conversations. This has to stop. Enough is enough.

What I also wanted to share that I didn't say is that, I'm afraid for my husband to leave to go to work. He works mid-nights at the casino. Why should I be afraid, he's white, hell be OK. I'm afraid because some of the violent protestors may think that he's not a friend but against them. I just don't know and it scares me. I'm not OK!!

Below aren't all the pictures I can share but it's two of my husband and I and our boys. Yes they are biracial and yes it's hard for them because they are often told that they aren't black, they are white. They are lighter skin tone but doesn't make them any less mixed or any less black as some say. 




Comments

  1. Terri SteffesJune 3, 2020 at 7:22 PM

    I don't have the words I should have to tell you how I am feeling... yes, I am sad, confused, angry, depressed, because in my world, I believe that people are GOOD. Yes, GOOD and this proves me wrong. I cannot imagine this man's anguish. He called for his mother, and as a mother myself, I cried those tears that only a momma knows, he was a baby once in his mother's arms. I can't wrap my mind around any of this, but I do know I can, and will, do better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ERIKA-EDUC 337June 3, 2020 at 7:24 PM

    This world is a messed up place, and it is often hard to know exactly how we should react to the unspeakable evil that we witness on a daily basis. What happened to George Floyd was a tragedy, and I hope that everyone that reads this can agree on that fact. Who knows what the right response is, all I know is that I am deeply sad for my country due to the many things I have witnessed throughout my life. Stay strong and lean on God! He will see us through.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Miranda NeedyJune 3, 2020 at 7:24 PM

    I have been completely devastated for so many people that I know because of this. I hear you! There needs to be change. I understand that I will never understand but I stand with you!! So many post I have seen on Facebook this week about friends being scared, tired, saddened, all the same as you. Living in fear every day is not okay, living in fear for your children is even worse! Your family is absolutely beautiful and I pray for you and send hugs!!
    I'm not really sure what else to say as I will never understand what you walk through each day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Zachary CampbellJune 3, 2020 at 7:26 PM

    I listen to a podcast called the Pat Mcafee show and he's addressed all the things going on the past week. He played football in college and for the Indy Colts and he explained how society needs to be more like an NFL locker room. All races and backgrounds striving for the same goal. I completely agree

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Miranda NeedyJune 3, 2020 at 7:28 PM

      I seen a press release with Patrick Mahomes statement and he said the same thing!! This seems like a winning statement. All races and backgrounds striving for the same goal!

      Delete
  5. Kayla PoolJune 3, 2020 at 7:27 PM

    I don't know what say because I have never experienced what you and your kids go through on a daily basis. However, this has made me upset and pissed off because it is really a time for a change.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lindsay HollerJune 3, 2020 at 7:27 PM

    April,
    First, I want to let you know that I know I will never understand, but I do stand with you and this movement. If you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out.
    Second, I'm so sorry. I am disgraced by my white counterparts who are simply not listening. I have dreams of literally shaking them till they get it. I kneeled in Jeff city and screamed till my voice went out for change and for the national guard to take a knee and show they cared. In a time like this, my empath self aches. I wish I could take the hurt and hatred out of this world but we know thats not possible. I am shocked by the reactions of some people in my life and have chosen to remove them from my life. Not everyone, but everyone who wasn't going to listen. I've learned that I don't have time or space for that in my life and that the space they leave, means more room for those who matter and care.
    Lastly, I hope you know how amazing you are and how strong you are. This life is not an easy one, but people of color have it even harder. I'm so proud of you for speaking out and taking time to educate people on the matter. As angry as I am about this, I am trying to educate those around me and do what I can as an ally. I'm not black and I don't understand the pain, but I promise to never let my white privilege go to waste. I promise to use it to lift voices like yours and make people listen to y'all the way they would white folks. While I wish we all had the same privileges, I know we don't and I know thats not something i can control. But I can control what I do with that privilege and I PROMISE to ALWAYS use that privilege to help those without it and not let those voices go unheard.
    My friend I am so sorry for the horrible things happening in our nation. I feel you, I stand with you, and I'll stand in front of any officer that tries to hurt someone in my presence. I love you and I'm always here friend.

    ReplyDelete
  7. LinseyJune 3, 2020 at 7:28 PM

    This is such a great post! I can feel your emotions and could hear your voice as I was reading this. All I can say is it’s just so sad!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mrs.Turner TeachesJune 3, 2020 at 7:28 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mrs.Turner TeachesJune 3, 2020 at 7:41 PM

    I don't have the words. I'm sad. I stand with you. I am trying to educate myself more.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Teaching 6th Grade Science

Well hello everyone, Long time no hear. Having a blog is not something I'm the greatest at, lol. Well it hasn't been a full year since my last blog, so that's good. This school year has been intense and busy. I'm at a different school this year, hopefully, I won't have to move to a different school next year. I plan on staying with 6th grade and the team that I have. It's so much work to move to a different school. I've been moved to different schools a lot without being asked, only 1 move in the past 10 years in education has been my choice. This year I'm trying to make another choice and stay with 6th grade. Teaching 6th grade is TOUGH and definitely not for the faint of heart, but it's also been very rewarding. It's allowing me to be more reflective on how I am as a teacher and the areas that I need to grow in. It's also been WAY less of a headache to teach one subject. I feel like Elementary education isn't integrated enough in order ...
Read more

Word Walls

Image
I've always liked the idea of Word Walls but from my experience in the classrooms that I have the privilege of working in and observing in, it's hard to utilize word walls the way they need to be used, due to the lack of space in the classrooms. With district and state policies saying that there needs to be so many things on the walls already from quick step by step instructions of units that need to be up, like the fact families in Multiplication, etc., the different ways to multiply and so much more. There's not enough space to have a nice word wall without it being partially or almost completely covered. The idea of Word Walls to me is also not a concept that I'm completely on board with because I often wonder, if students are still having a hard time remembering how to spell words properly or remember what the words mean, how does a word wall serve them properly?  Well after a long talk over many weeks with a 6th grade teacher and looking at the creativity of a 4t...
Read more

Excited About Blogging

Image
Excitement Ozzing From My Mind!! I am so excited to start this blogging thing. It's something I've never done before but have been interested in in the past but didn't know how to get started so I just let go of the idea. I am excited to be doing this now for my Teaching Techniques education class. What makes this even more exciting is that I know this class, past classes, and future classes will help me on my journey in becoming a classroom teacher as well as helping me with the current space I have decorated and furnished below that was assigned to me by my building principal to do small group LLI (Leveled Literacy Intervention). I'm excited to see how this class will help me better teach my groups this year and better prepare me for substituting throughout the school and for my future of teaching a classroom of more than 6 students. Hope you all are just as excited to read these blogs as I am to post them.
Read more